mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
