I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
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