tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
