My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
