I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
God, I missed his penis.
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