Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
