She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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