I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
The beer is more important than you right now.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
