Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
