I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
