the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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