I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Barsexuality is the new black.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
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