Redeem this text for a blowjob
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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