I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
