mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
