Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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