I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
the liver wants what the liver wants
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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