I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
