Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
