You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
