Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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