I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
