from now on my penis is your penis
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
