Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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