I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
