Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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