He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
