If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
