so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
