Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
