there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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