i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
