sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
