He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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