so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
