i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
