never play flip cup with pint glasses
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
