pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
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