Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Randomize
