New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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