he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
