Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
