The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I will pee on everything he values.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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