its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
