hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
