I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
