you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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