If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
