first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
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