Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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